Feedback is an interesting thing.  You’ve probably been taught to use “I language” when giving feedback.  It’s true, the most generous thing you can do in giving feedback is be selfish and make it all about the impact to you.

“I feel frustrated by what you just did” is far more easy for the person you’re speaking to to hear than “You’re just so frustrating!”.

But here’s the trap most people fall into.    There are a lot of accusational words in the English language.  It’s easy to cleverly disguise feedback as being personal and use accusational language.  “I feel undermined by you” carries an accusation in the word “undermined” that “you meant to undermine me”.

True feeling words are words like “frustrated, happy, sad, lonely, etc”.     If you catch yourself using the phrase “by you” or you’re using a word that carries accusation in it, such as “disrespected”  or “mistreated”,  than back up and try again.  Your more supportive language will ensure your feedback gets heard.